Anger management part II

May, 2012

10 ways to release your anger:
It is not a good idea to continually suppress negative feelings, such as anger, as this will lead to other problems, such as depression or high blood pressure (there is an old therapy saying that ‘depression is anger turned inwards’). Instead, think of your emotions as like a shaken up cola bottle. Rather than opening the bottle at once, let the pressure go in small spurts, a little at a time, until it has all been let out safely. So when it’s practical to do so, let your anger go slowly and safely. Here’s how:

  1. share the story and your feelings with a good friend
  2. talk it through with your therapist or counsellor
  3. go for a brisk walk or a run
  4. work-out in the gym
  5. thump a pillow
  6. have a good shout in your (parked) car
  7. write out your thoughts and feelings or keep an anger diary
  8. get the vac out and have a good cleaning session
  9. tear up a newspaper or pop some bubble wrap
  10. read about how to behave assertively (not aggressively)

Anger management part I
10 ways to manage your anger
Anger is a natural human emotion, and can help you respond with passion and power when you need to. It was a useful feeling in pre-civilised times as it worked as an automatic defence mechanism, enabling people to defend themselves and their families when under attack. It is an adrenaline-fuelled response, and if allowed to get out of control will lead you to want to fight – with your fists or your voice, or both. In modern times, of course, it is usually not appropriate to let your anger get out of control whether you’re at work, at home or out in public.

As an adult, you can do a lot to manage your anger to a certain degree (see the strategies below), however anger management issues usually indicate that there is a larger problem that needs to be resolved before much progress can be made. A psychotherapist will want to work with you to unearth the root cause of your anger and why you are so quick to lose your temper or lose it to a dangerous degree. It may be that you grew up in an angry family and copied the behaviour from the generation above you. It may be that you are suffering from stress overload and lack of sleep. Or, it could be that you have experienced (or witnessed) abuse or a traumatic event as a child or adult.
When the purple mist comes down you may not be able to control your thumping heart or your reddening face, but some things are still under your conscious control. Ten things you can do to help get through the moment are:

  1. Tell yourself to ‘Stop! And calm down’
  2. Look away and take a few deep, slow, breaths
  3. Count to ten before you do or say anything
  4. Take a few steps backwards
  5. Lower your voice, and talk slowly and calmly
  6. Deliberately distract yourself by concentrating on something else, such as saying the alphabet backwards in your head
  7. Think of a calm friend and what they would do in the same situation
  8. Don’t raise your hands – hold your arms loosely by your sides, or hold your hands together behind your back if necessary
  9. If necessary, walk away from the situation before you blow
  10. Spend a few minutes in the loo until you feel calmer