Loss

Loss comes in many guises and is one of the most difficult emotional pains that we all have to bear at some point in our lives. Feelings of utter grief and despair follow such experiences as the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a redundancy, or the permanent loss of good health or mobility.
When faced with a difficult loss there are five stages that many people go through, which include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
These stages are known as the Cycle of Grief and were first identified in bereavement counselling, but are now applied to all types of situations where a major ‘loss’ has occurred. Therapists look out for signs that their clients are moving through these stages after any loss where a feeling of bereavement exists, such as when you lose a job, your partner or your health. The stages do not necessarily follow the typical order above, and not everyone goes through every stage, however, women are more likely than men to experience all five stages.  Sometimes there is a ‘switchback’ effect, too, where you keep going back to an earlier phase before finally working through it.
Grief and loss after a break-up
Here’s how the grief cycle might pan out after the loss of a close relationship:
Denial – After a break up, the person who had the least control over the ending may be unable to admit or accept that the relationship is really over, eg they may continue to call their ex frequently, or keep trying to see them. They may hope or believe that the split is just a phase and their partner will eventually change their mind or realise they have made a huge mistake.
Anger – When the reality sets in and the one who has been left realises that the relationship really is over, they may become very angry and typically try making big demands, such as knowing the minute detail of what happened and why – and then reject the reasons given. In this phase they often feel like they have been treated unfairly and that life itself is unfair. Their fury can also be directed at other people close to them who are trying to help.
Bargaining – After the anger stage, the bereft partner may try to plead their case with their former partner, promising that whatever caused the breakup will never happen again, eg “I will stop drinking right now”; “I can change. Please give me one more chance”.
Depression – Next they might feel discouraged that their pleading did not convince their former partner to change their mind. This will tip them into the depression stage and can cause a return to sleepless nights, low mood, marked changes in eating patterns (far too much, or far too little) and disrupt daily life such as performance at work or the desire to go out and be with others.
Acceptance – As people finally begin to accept their loss, so they begin to move on. This is the last stage, although it is fair to say that some people may never get over a big loss completely. However, they do realise that there is no going back and they stop going over and over events. They reach the point where they can accept the full reality of the situation and that the relationship is well and truly over.