Who dares wins
‘Life shrinks or expands according to one’s courage’ according to Anais Nin, and I agree. Why do we let fear hold us back? And what is the fear? Is it fear of failure? Yes, sometimes we over-estimate the cost of getting things wrong before we start, which stops us getting going and taking the good chance of getting it right, or nearly right. Or could it be fear of success? What would happen if it was a success, or you were really, really good at this thing you want to do? How would that change your life? Does that feel scary too? So often we discard our dreams and pet projects because we’re not sure they will work out, but what have we gained from not going ahead? Nothing. What’s the benefit in that? Zilch. As a therapist I know that if you let fear and doubt creep up on you it will suck the walls of your life inwards and block you in, but if you keep pushing your walls out, trying new things and literally expanding your horizons and you will reap the rewards in self esteem, confidence and happiness.
Most of us learned in childhood that mistakes were bad (remember those big red angry ‘X’s in your school books?) and so we learned to fear getting things wrong. We all worry about making bad mistakes, but surely it is better to take a few calculated risks. At least if you try something new at the very least you will learn from the experience – because without doing there is no learning, and without learning there is no growing. And not growing leads to stagnation. So instead of thinking that mistakes are bad, try to think of them as part of the normal process of learning.
We need to confront our fear of being wrong, or being seen as ‘stupid’. That fear stops us doing so many things: whether it’s asking directions or asking for help; or applying for jobs we’re attracted to, or asking someone out we’re attracted to.
Remember that you don’t discover new worlds without losing sight of the shore. Have courage. Dare yourself to try. It isn’t the perceived difficulty that is stopping you, it is because you have got out of the habit of daring to dare, and that makes things seem more difficult than they are.